I was walking to the hair salon the other day, after having learned that due to my lacking Korean I had marked ‘received’ on a delivery that I definitely have not receieved. Long story short I may have lost 80 bucks and have no super cool red&blue long checked coat.
Anyway, this incident really got to me…and I cried.
Big picture: lesson learned, oh well move on.
Under the emotionally driven reactionary part of myself: angry, stressed, angry again, anxious and sad.
I’m perhaps more hormonal than usual, maybe I have some pent up stress from somewhere…but my suspicion is I’ve just not been doing enough to feed my mind and body.
I’m relatively new to mindfulness on the grand scale of things, I have been into it for a while, but practicing and learning and REALLY delving into it…maybe 2 years tops. I’m a learner, but aren’t we all? Isn’t that what makes us all unique and fascinating? Our ability to learn and our motivations and interests et al. I digress…
I’ve been practicing mindfulness and developing material for a while now, putting it into practice in my classes and life, and it’s really starting to take shape as a feasible course. I sound surprised. I am surprised. And DELIGHTED!
But I, like everyone, fail more than I succeed. I often neglect my own practice, I find other more ‘important’ things to focus on. I snap at the ones I love. I allow emotions to take the wheel. And something I’m especially not very good at is forgiving myself for those failings.
I’m a very forgiving person in general, I don’t hold onto anger, and even less so with mindfulness in my life. And for others, I forgive almost immediately (with some exceptions 😉 )
But honestly, there are days when I fall off the wagon and become so upset with my own mistakes that I feel perhaps I’ve fallen all the way back to square one.
Of course that’s not the case, but it feels like it. So my latest track is directed to myself, and anyone else who needs some kindness and guidance when it comes to letting go of anger and allowing the frailty of our humanity to be imperfectly normal.
Of course there are situations that will make us angry, but it’s so damaging to hold onto that anger for any length of time. Here are some of my top tips for forgiving yourself (and others) and letting go.
- Allow yourself to feel angry at the situation rather than at yourself. or someone else – It’s very easy to hold onto toxic feelings about ourselves and others, but actually it’s the situation (and the replaying over and over and over in our heads) that affects us. Say to yourself “I forgive myself for making mistakes, I can find a solution to this situation.” It might not solve the problem, but it will remind you that shit happens, but you’re not so bad, really.
- Remember that shit happens. – Some things in life are just too inevitable, and some not so much, but once something has happened all we can do is move forward. Time travel would be great, but alas if you can’t get your hands on a flux capacitor you’ll just have to live in the present. It’s very easy to say and not so easy to do, but try to remind yourself that what’s done is done and now we go forward.
- Don’t give yourself so much credit. – The world is a crazy place, and those of us in it are even crazier. You are not alone in slipping up, you’re not the first or the last person to make that huge mistake, you’re not alone in your faults and follies. Heck I’m somewhat of a mess-up professional! My point is, yeah you messed up. But the world doesn’t care. You (and maybe some others) care a lot, but time will take away the sting, and forgiveness will take away the heartache. You’re not alone here.
- Don’t think too much. – Its easy to say “forgiveness will take away the heartache”, but what TH does that actually mean and how TH do I do that? Firstly, stop worrying. Don’t let forgiveness be another cause of stress. Just repeat some affirmations, and don’t focus too much on what it means to forgive; rather focus on being kind to yourself. If you can’t be kind to yourself, find something that makes you happy and do it. Exercise, sleep, eat something delicious, take a walk, meditate, call your mum. The headspace needed to forgive will soon come and you’ll be able to see clearer.
- Remember that you are amazing. – How cool is it that the earth is around 4.5 BILLION years old and we get to be a walking talking evolved conscious being there upon it?! How freakin’ cool is that!? Which means, in all of those billions of years and strands of DNA evolved from our ancestors’ ancestors’ ancestors’…we get to bear witness to all that exists. That’s pretty amazing. And you are an important part of it all. Of course you’re gonna make mistakes. Of course WE are. I do it on a daily basis. But the important thing is to remember that we are all learning, every day, more about ourselves, the world around us, life as we know it. Cut yourself some slack. If we had it all figured out, what a boring existence it would be indeed.
- Lastly, love yourself. – A good friend of mine always says “Live your best life”. I love that. To hell with what anyone else thinks. You are wonderful, and you deserve love. Give yourself love. That’s the most natural and beautiful thing I’ve learned so far in this life; love IS the answer. Practice it. Share it. Receive it. Believe it. Live it. Live Love.
But of course, it’s easier said than done. If all else fails, listen to some soothing music, and repeat these words:
“I forgive you. I love you. You are enough. You are human. You are not alone. I forgive you.”
Have a listen to the file below, it’s not the final edit, but let me know what you think~ I’ll change the background music and have 2 versions, but I kinda love this BG. Gotta fix the edit this week. Anyway, happy listening!
Peace and Love